It is 2 am in the morning. raining outside. I’m tired from working for five hours in the cold weather. Yet, I feel I’m not the only one in this similar situation. Anyways, I finally got down and wrote a new post on what I have been up to lately. I titled this post nothing because…u-u-uuhh….well…I don’t know what to call it. It happens 😛

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My last detailed post about what was going on in my life was on September 1s titled Awkwardness (Read it here!).Two months and twenty-four days later I feel as though I need to share what is going on with me, because its been too long! Anyways. Since September I have a job working for a pizza company delivering pizza. This type of job is great for stutterers! Every shift somehow desensitizes me one way or another. Ever since I went to the Successful Stuttering Management Program in 2005, I felt as if I was given a new shot at life where I didn’t have to worry about my stuttering anymore. Two years later, and I truly feel like I really do not worry about it anymore.

Example: During one of my pizza deliveries, I stuttered towards the customer while the customers young son looked at me curiously and smiling. After I walked away, I heard the son ask his dad, “Why was he talking like that?” You would think my face would turn red or I would feel embarrassment wishing I would fall of the face of the earth. My only reaction to that little boy was a smile and a thought “Damn it feels good to make people be curious about you.”

In my life now, I have become sort-of numb to people’s reactions toward my stuttering. In a good way of course. I don’t get shy or ashamed of myself when people laugh at my stuttering. Nor do I get angry at them. I am understanding more and more that people are simple people. Some don’t know how to react or some just think it is funny, and of course there are other reasons, but the point is…I have stopped being in a way, “politically correct” toward making sure people react the right way. Just for laughs, people ask me if I am cold or am I alright when I make my face jerks. I still feel good 🙂

Now another part in my ever-evolving journey, is about awareness. I am very much dedicated to spreading awareness towards stuttering (I wrote to Oprah and MTV last year trying to portray stuttering in a positive light, and will be getting in contact with a few show producers.) Now though, I feel as though, if people don’t know about stuttering or are not as interested, then let them find out on their own. I stopped trying to “force” it on to people. It is funny, because when I was so self-conscious about my stuttering, people would ask me questions about it and I would not dare to talk about it. Now it is the opposite way around. I love talking about stuttering, but I see people in school, work, wherever, are afraid to ask me about it. I have to break the ice. That’s the way it should be though. If I talk about it, it shows I am not afraid of this “beast.” I’m not hiding.

Anyhow, that is how I have been feeling for the last couple of months. Severe stuttering or not, my attitude toward it has been nothing but positive for the most part. I just stutter ;).

Thanks for reading this loooong post! I’ll try to make the shorter. Also, most importantly, remember, there is no right way of living life as a stutterer. Programs, devices, hiding it, embracing it, are all methods of living with stuttering. What works for me only work for me. Others will find their way of living with stuttering, good or bad!

-Dmitriy

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One Response

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