Awkwardness

Flashback: Whenever I would get called on in class, my face would already reach it’s reddish capacity (it would start getting red before the first person was to be called), and I would be sweating like I just ran a mile. I never wanted to get called in class, it would be very awkward for me, and if I did get called on, well, I would just piece my sentence with “um’s” and “likes” while using easy words for me NOT to stutter one. After I would talk, I would feel somewhat and said and try to see if people felt sorry for me, because after all I wanted them to understand, but it more to pity me. That’s in the past.

So yesterday, my third day of college, we had to talk about our writing styles in English. I like my teacher so far and she wants us to be aware of how we write so she had us write a very long paragraph and then we would all discuss it in class. I was ready to do it and I didn’t have a problem with talking about my writing style in front of everyone, because hey, I want to be treated like everyone else and I’m not going to hide behind my stuttering.

I told my teacher that I stutter on the first day, and I let her know she can call on me anytime (Advertising ;)). Sometimes I know that it isn’t enough for them, they still think you need help or your shy. That’s fine with me, I don’t get mad at that. So after about 2o minutes of discussing our writing styles, my turn came and what do you know, I stuttered. I stuttered very long and hard on the beginning of the sentence (Well, my writing process varies…). I was into about 30 seconds when she stopped me and asked me if I wanted to write it out on the board. I immediately said “No thanks, if I choose to talk then I’ll talk,” and she let me get back into to. I could tell it was awkward for other kids, because hey, as a first reaction, it probably is “What is that kid doing.” I’ve been there so I’m frustrated or anything, my face didn’t turn red, or I was not sweating. I managed to say everything I wanted to say and then the next person stuttered talking, cracking a joke about writing in the bathtub. I continued to act normally, because, after stuttering that hard, you just have to remain smiling and act normal, like nothing happened, because nothing did happen, I just stuttered :).

A reaction like this, took me a year and a half to build up, because not everyone feel comfortable around something that you’re comfortable with. Everyone is another level of how comfortable they are. So the class now knows that I stutter, which I’m glad they do, because there’s NO way I can get away with it and I am perfectly fine it. 3 speeches in my first week of college…not too bad eh?

Just wanted to share this with you guys 🙂

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2 Responses

  1. Congrates mate, i know exactly how u feel, especially back in high school.

    The more and more you speak aloud the better it will get.

  2. […] last detailed post about what was going on in my life was on September 1s titled Awkwardness (Read it here!).Two months and twenty-four days later I feel as though I need to share what is going on with me, […]

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